Jonas has always been a very high needs child. His babyhood was
rough because he was so easily "overstimulated" and once he was,
there was no going back. The world seemed to be packed full of crazy
people who thought it was ok to come up to a baby and touch his
face. Friends, family, and strangers would frequently ignore my
ardent warnings not to touch his plump little cheeks. Amazingly,
even after witnessing his hellatious reaction they would still
dismiss my instructions.
We had lots of trouble with breastfeeding in the first few weeks.
Nipple confusion was our main problem, and even up until he weaned
(at 2 years old) he still preferred my thumb over nursing.
I knew right away that I had to be very careful with this baby. He
had to be dressed a certain way, wearing certain clothes. I had to
drastically change what I ate because he reacted so terribly to some
foods he got through my milk. He had to be handled very specifically
(and very rough!) and swaddled and carried tightly in a sling. He
had to be patted so hard, and bounced so rough and so fast. He had
to sleep on my chest, and when he woke in the night I would nurse and
sing and pat him roughly and rock back and fourth. He almost always
had to be walked and jiggled around while I nursed him. How did I know
things had to be done this way? Why, he would scream his little
lungs out when I didn't. He'd freak out when new people entered the
room, when he heard and unexpected sound, and often for no
discernible reason at all. As much as he loved his daddy, and was
soothed by his voice, I was usually the only person to be able to
comfort him and calm him down. In fact, he screamed bloody murder
when he was handed to someone else.
I was labeled an overprotective mom when he was a newborn, and
through his toddelerhood, and even later in childhood I'd still be
seen as such. In truth, I was overly protective. I was terrified
that when things didn't go just right I'd have an uncontrollable and
inconsolable child on my hands. This is still an issue, but now I
know the whys and hows, and to a certain extent, so does he.
He became a very impulsive and aggressive toddler. He crawled
late, walked late, and spoke late. I waited patiently for him to do
things in his own time. Once he started working on things he always
caught on quickly. Such a smart little guy. Something just always
seemed a little off, though. He preferred to go off and play by
himself rather than play with his friends. When he did play with
them it ALWAYS ended with a physical fight. He often shoved other
kids for what seemed like no reason at all. I really began to wonder
if he'd ever learn to be empathetic. He didn't seem to care AT ALL
they he'd hurt other kids/people/animals. He really had an awful
temper and it didn't take much to set it off.
Eventually I started to think more objectively about this, and
started researching and talking to people. It turns out, Jonas has
Sensory Processing Disorder, which is a neurological disorder
where he doesn't receive and process sensory input in the same
way the most of us do. This often leads to a child "acting out"
because he needs/must avoid certain feelings, noises, smells, etc.
Jonas isn't a mean child, he's just a child who is dealing with a lot
more than most kids, so he needs more help.
It was surprisingly hard for me to except that my child wasn't
neuro-typical. It felt like failure. As much as he does have issues
that he needs help with, there is nothing "wrong" with him. I work
hard to not use language that reflects that mentality, but it's hard
because so much of the language used to refer to neuro-diversity
is very negative.
Here's Jonas hiding in a turtle to keep away from the other kids and noises.
Here's a very commen scene. Jonas holding his ears to block out noise.
And again.
Sometimes Lavinia gets in on the act.
Jonas being nervous in a crowd.
Jonas being angry in a crowd.
Haircuts are never fun.
So, there ya have it.
